Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Will You Marry Me?

Well, does that ring come with a voucher for 10 laser hair removal sessions?


Dear Future Fiancé,


So I'm writing this in the hope that you will read it before purchasing a really expensive engagement ring... I have a better suggestion.

Considering I am an artist, I like gardening, I do dishes and I'm a very simple lady, I don't see why you should spend a ton on a ring I may damage, lose or forget to wear.
I do however think that pubic laser hair removal will benefit me and us much more.

Why would I say this?

1) I'll have a smooth, baby soft, hair-free vagina for life without the expense and pain of waxing, the horrible ingrown hairs induced by shaving or, the thrush that comes with hair-removal creams.

2) Who does a flashy ring benefit? If I want to marry you, I'll say yes no matter what you present me with (just not yellow gold please, I'd take plastic over yellow gold). Flashy rings are about showing off to friends and family... I'm not into that. I'm no show-off.

3) I'm actually being pretty selfless as, this will benefit you more than it'll benefit me. Lol.

4) Studies show that Liesl Leonard is 90% more likely to say, "yes" if your proposal is accompanied by the treatment vouchers.


So, I trust you will take my proposal into consideration before making your proposal.


Sincerely,

Liesl

Friday, February 4, 2011

Settling for Average

This week has been draining... What a roller-coaster ride it has been.

I saw the surfacing of hopes I never knew existed... Instantly crushed by reality. I hate those moments when childhood, Disney-like ideas resurface and I'm dumb enough to wish upon a star that it all comes true.

Let's not solely blame Disney though... As females we encourage each other to dream the impossible... Reach beyond our heights... Fight with strength we don't have. We encourage each other to hurt.

I personally have become so introverted with regards to certain desires as, sharing just leads to pain, embarrassment and the shrinking of my already low self-esteem, every single time! Why do I keep viewing life as a fairytale? Why do I allow my friends to give me hope, in hopeless situations? Why do I keep tripping over the same lie... Time and time again?

Yesterday, I expressed to one of my friends (who sees through rose-tinted glasses) that, the reality of love is that we date one average guy after the next and eventually we are so conditioned to average that we believe that's what we deserve... Then someone amazing comes along and we cannot grasp that they could be interested in us and we don't give them a chance as, we fear being hurt. Eventually this amazing guy realises we aren't interested (even though we actually are) and gives up. Where does this leave us? It leaves us where we've always been... Stuck with average. Eventually we settle down with an average guy and we've basically lived into what we imagined we deserved.

I am guilty of this... I've been single forever and I still don't know how to give a better-than-average guy a chance. I've become scared to express my emotions... Scared to feel anything... Fear keeps me safe from hurt but, it also stops me from experiencing potentially amazing things.

How do I strike a balance?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Don't argue with a stupid stranger...

Some of you who follow www.iamnotmyhair.co.za would know that my morning got off to a rather unpleasant start, and it seems the saga continues...

I went to the post office to collect the mail and pick up a package containing my GRE study materials (which finally arrived) and as I joined the queue to collect my package the following occurred:

Random guy in queue:
(speaking to random woman in front of him in the queue) "Oooh, kyk hoe gestress lyk sy".

Me: (turns head and looks back to see who he's talking about)

Random guy in queue: (looks directly at me) "Nieeee meisie ek praat oor jou".

Me: (annoyed tone) "I'm not stressed".

Random guy in queue: (still turned toward me) "Dis maar net Friday de thirteenth... Dit gebeur nie soe often nie".

Me: (gives him the kindergarten fake smile)

 =A few moments of silence=


Me: (smug tone) "Today isn't Friday the thirteenth... Yesterday was the thirteenth".

Random guy in queue: "Nee, is jy seker?" (checks his phone)

Random guy in queue: (surprised tone) "Ooooh, jy sien, dis omdat ek die nagskof werk... Toe dink ek vandag is nog die dertiende".

Me: (friendly tone) "That's okay, I lose track of the days sometimes too... The only reason I remembered, is because I have two friends who celebrated their birthday yesterday".

Random guy in queue: (laughing) "Het jy net twee vriende?" (laughing)


From there, we proceeded to argue about whether the way you pause when speaking and punctuate when writing can change the meaning of a sentence, or not...

If I had said, "...I have two friends, who celebrated their birthday yesterday" this would indicate that I only have two friends and both of them celebrated their birthday yesterday.

However, I said, "...I have two friends who celebrated their birthday yesterday" indictating that two of my friends had celebrated their birthday yesterday.

Eventually he was called to a teller and I was left relieved and highly annoyed.  


Moral of the story: Don't talk to strangers and if you must... DON'T argue with a stupid stranger... It goes nowhere!
 

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